


On the List of Things to Never Summon

by creativeAmbiguity



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill is Bill, Dipper attracts the wrong attention, Guardian Demons AU, Humor, Pre-Relationship, Weird Demon Flirting, triangle!Bill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6512611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativeAmbiguity/pseuds/creativeAmbiguity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper summons an angel who has been bothering Gravity Falls. Bill is not very pleased about who it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the List of Things to Never Summon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for fun and I'm posting it. It's not really Billdip but it's just some weird shit I put together. Enjoy.

“Whatcha doing Pine Tree?” Dipper looked over his shoulder, repressing a jolt of fear from the sudden appearance. Behind him, Bill Cipher in all his triangle glory hovered above the ground. He was examining his nonexistent nails, looking quite bored. Dipper snorted at the thought.

“Stuff.” He replied simply, turning back to his activities. He placed the red candles on the outskirts of the circle.

“Seems to me you’re summoning something.” Bill said. He examined the set-up. Needless to say, it was very neat and impressive for someone Dipper’s age. He let his surface glow a bit brighter as he felt a surge of pride tinge through him.

“Mmhm.” Dipper replied.

“As your Guardian, I feel as if it’s my duty to know what you are trying to summon.” Bill said in a curt voice. He tilted forwards, waiting for an answer, but received none. Dipper was still bent over, placing down the candles as if Bill had said nothing at all. Ugh, this human was starting to frustrate him. “Ahem, excuse me.”

“I know Mabel just wanted to know what I was up to, Bill.” Dipper said exasperatedly. Bill looked at him expectantly. He huffed. “I’m summoning a minor angel that **should** know about something I’m concerned about.”  
  
“What? About those dumb herds of alpaca?” Bill guessed, his tiny fingers cupping his faux chin. His eye narrowed for a second, looking at cloud like shape in the center of the circle. “Wait a minute, you’re not talking about _him_ ?”  
  
Dipper raised an eyebrow. “ _Him_?”

“You know, the annoying one?” Dipper raised his eyebrow further. Bill rolled his eye in response. “Nimbus Somnium?” The boy nodded in response.  
  
“What beef do you have to pick with that guy? I mean, trust me, I hate him a LOT, but what could some kid like you want to do with total chump like him?”

“Well, if you must know,” Dipper drawled, stepping back from the circle and giving it a last critical eye, “I suspect he might have something to do with the strange dreams that people are having lately.” Dipper then looked at his guardian, frowning. “Normally I would assume you’re behind it because that’s just what you like to do, but these are good dreams.”

“You’re upset that ol’ Nimbus is giving good dreams.” Bill deadpanned.

“I’m upset that he’s making alpacas just show up in people’s houses!” Dipper bit back. “Besides, the fact these are all good dreams is fishy enough.”

“Is that what he’s doing lately…” Bill mused. “Last time I checked he was doing some weird sheep thing.” Dipper rolled his eyes. “Kid, look, me and you are not the best of friends. Heck, I don’t even want to be your guardian!” Bill leaned backwards as though he were looking down at Dipper. “But Nimbus Somnium is a total d-...chump. He’s a total chump.”

“And?”

“And he’s got this annoying laugh and he likes to bug EVERYONE at the functions, and he makes these stupid puns like all the time!”

“That sounds a lot like you.” Dipper smirked.

“At least I’m not a copycat!” Bill grumbled, crossing his little arms. _Cute,_ Dipper thought briefly, before turning back to the circle.

“I honestly don’t care about what hang-ups you have about this guy. If you don’t wanna see him you don’t have to be here.” Bill seemed to want to say something further, but he stopped himself after a thoughtful expression (“How can he even manage a thoughtful expression?”) crossed his face. He shrugged smugly.

“Fine kid, just get on with it.” He said, perching himself on Dipper’s shoulder. The boy looked at Bill for a second, a befuddled expression on his face, but resigned to step back and begin the summoning.

 

“ **A caelo usque ad centrum,**

**A capite ad calcem,**

**In somnis veritas!**

**Nimbus Somnium,**

**ex nihilo nihil fit!”**

 

A blinding light assaulted Dipper’s eyes and his lungs quickly filled with the dense fog that filled the room. Through the fog, however, he could see a weird lumpy shape floating closer and closer.

“I’m back, baby!” It said. With a lift of its arms, the fog cleared to reveal Nimbus Somnium. His three eyes blinked and gained a weird color Dipper couldn’t put a name to. “Dipper, just the kid I wanna see!”

Dipper cocked his head and Bill narrowed his eye. “Me?”

Nimbus snorted, “Yes, you! With the cute little nose and baggy eyes! Ha, I haven’t seen a kid who could avoid sleep like you can in a few hundred years!” He gripped Dipper’s cheek and gave it a little pinch. “I think I know what you want from me, you little cutie.”

Dipper, understandably, flushed at these words and swatted the cloud away. “Dude, don’t touch me.” He groaned.

“And look, you’ve got your demon here too! Wait, Bill?! Is that you?”

“Oh my god.”

“It is you! Cipher man, buddy old pal old chummy buddy! I haven’t seen you in a millennia!” Nimbus reached to give Bill a hug but the triangle quickly floated away.

“A millennia too short.” Bill mumbled. Nimbus laughed. “Funny! Anyway, Mr. Baggy Eyes McGee,” the cloud shifted his attention to Dipper.

“I assume you summoned to ask me about my little gift for Gravity Falls?” Dipper nodded slowly, beginning to feel a bit fidgety and nervous. It wasn’t that he disliked Nimbus already, but the cloud was really loud and moved a lot in a way that didn’t help Dipper’s paranoia.

“Weeeell, I was trying to get your attention!” The cloud exclaimed happily. “While all humans are absolutely ADORABLE, you’re the cutest by far!” Dipper gulped.

“Me?” He stuttered.

“Yes you! And I was wondering if you’d let me have your hand!”

“Hand?!”  
  
“What’d I tell you, Pine Tree?” Bill snickered. Nimbus quickly whipped around to face Bill.

“And you don’t need to worry, Billy!” Nimbus chirped. Bill cringed inwardly and Dipper snickered back at the triangle. “I’m just gonna cut off his hand and keep it with me forever!”

“Excuse me?!”

“Humans can grow back their hands, it’s fiiiine!” Nimbus chuckled. “Or can they? Hey Bill, is this dimension 5’2912 or 2’1915?”

“I don’t know! Which is it Pine Tree?” Bill said, looking at his human.

“I-but-who?!” The boy sputtered. Nimbus bemusedly looked at Dipper. “Ah! I knew I made a good choice!”

“But!” Dipper finally managed. The cloud floated backwards a bit in surprise at the outburst. “But, why all the alpacas and good dreams? Why not terrorize the entire town?”

Nimbus tilted slightly. “I was trying to be nice! After all, I can’t have you thinking bad about me! We’re friends now!”  
  
“Leaving alpacas in people’s houses isn’t a particularly nice thing to do!” Dipper said, his hands balling up in his hair in frustration. “And cutting off someone’s hand isn’t nice either! And-and!”

“And you’re cute!” The angel finished. Dipper growled.

“Bill! Help me out here!”

“Sorry Pine Tree, I told you not to summon him.” The triangle said, shrugging. “After all, I don’t talk to copycats.”

“Oh come on, Billy!” Nimbus whined childishly. “I was the first one to think of the whole master of the mind thing.” After a beat, he continued with. “After all, I think I use my mind powers a bit better than you do!”

The room became incredibly tense after that. Bill looked beyond enraged and Dipper was sure that he was about to rip the cloud apart. “Ok, this summoning is over. Not interested. Bye.”

“Aww, cutie pie wa-” Dipper smudged the chalk on the floor and promptly blew out the candles. He turned to the floating triangle behind him, who was still angry beyond belief, his eye crinkled in rage and body quaking with unexpressed anger.

“Um, Bill, are yo-”  
  
“PEACHY! I don’t want to KILL anything or anyone! Hahahahaha!” Bill said overly giddy, his yellow glow returning to surface before fading back into a red hue. “UGH!” He finished, throwing his hat to the ground. “JUST ABSOLUTELY PEACHY!”

Dipper flinched. “Bill, you didn’t have to come here, I would’ve been able to handle it myself.” The human said. “I mean, it’s obvious you didn’t like the guy.” Dipper cupped the triangle in his hands. Said triangle looked up at Dipper, becoming turning a slightly less prominent shade of red. He groaned and plopped down in the human’s hands.  
  
“So maybe Shooting Star might have suggested I’d be a better guardian and I decided to stay! But it’s not because I care or anything! She just kept on bugging me like the annoying twerp she is!” Bill said exasperatedly. Dipper looked at his guardian, his eyebrow tugging up once more.

“It sounds like you need a break.”

“Maybe I do!” Bill retorted, crossing his arms. Dipper huffed, a small smile tugging on his lips.

“We could probably catch something on TV.” Dipper said, walking from the room.

“How about ‘Killer Zombies Noscope 5’?” Bill piped.  
  
“How about no.”

**Author's Note:**

> From Heaven to Earth,  
> From top to bottom,  
> In dreams there is truth!  
> Nimbus Somnium,  
> Nothing comes from nothing!


End file.
